


you were broken-hearted and the world was, too

by buckybunnyteeth



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autistic!Spencer Reid, BAU family, Canon typical darkness, Canon-Typical Violence, Dorks in Love, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, OCD!spencer reid, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, stress induced handwashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 20:40:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17588018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybunnyteeth/pseuds/buckybunnyteeth
Summary: One time Spencer helps Luke, One time Luke helps Spencer, and one time neither of them needs help but they are there for each other anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> chapter one has luke dealing with a ptss flashback, it deals with some imagery from when he was an army ranger, if this will upset you exit out of the fic now it will not hurt my feelings.

“ _Non nobis solum nati sumus._

(Not for ourselves alone are we born.)”

― Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

 

Rossi’s backyard is big enough to hold a football game in, which is fortunate because an extended BAU family barbeque is really stretching it.

JJ’s boys are playing with Roxy on the lawn, trying to get her to go through a circuit they’ve come up with, while Will keeps an eye on them from where he is over at the barbeque with Rossi. Emily and JJ are sitting at the table laughing at the two boys’ antics, while Kate and her husband mix them some drinks, and Kates niece videos the boys. Jack is sitting beside her, cutting anxious glances between her and his father who is also over by the grill, hassling a grinning Rossi about his grilling technique while Cruz laughs at them.

Garcia is sitting with Tara, Morgan, and Savannah at another table, baby hank bouncing between them as they laugh at an anecdote Sam is telling them. The Simmons kids are running wild after each other on the grass, chasing after a light-up ball that’s Technicolor bright in the dimming light, while Matt and his wife chase after the littlest boy who has managed to slop food and get grass stains all over his clothes. A young woman introduced to him as Ashley, and Andi Swann are walking towards the tables with their arms piled high with salads and chips, and Rossi’s daughter is just arriving with her family, all of them looking around at the chaotic scene with smiling if intimidated faces.

And where is Luke?

He’s sitting on the lawn, sneaking Roxy treats every time she does something that Henry and Michael have told her to do, and subtly gesturing a command to her when she can’t understand what they want. She’s having the time of her life, and every time she lays a big sloppy dog kiss on the boys, they shriek like they’re on a rollercoaster.

The only person missing is-

Reid appears, weaving through the Simmons stampede with a big bowl in his hands. He makes a face so ridiculous as he almost gets knocked down by Lily that Luke can’t help but laugh at him.

He cuts across the grass and sits down next to Luke. He would be surprised that Spencer is so okay with sitting down in the dirt, but all of him seems so relaxed tonight. It’s a warm Summers night and most everyone is wearing t-shirts or sundresses, and Spencer has put on his equivalent to that; jeans and a completely hideous Hawaiian shirt. It's ridiculous, who would think of putting dancing pineapples and drunk flamingos on the same shirt?

Luke plucks at his sleeve.

“You’re gonna give me cataracts with this.”

Spencer snorts.

“Be nice, the boys gave it to me for my birthday.”

He tips the bowl towards Luke revealing that its full of ice and a selection of juice boxes.

“Think you can help me round them up for a rehydration break?”

Luke grins and whistles sharply. Roxy’s ears prick up at the noise and she carefully extracts herself from the boys to come bounding over to him, sitting at attention in front of him. The boys come running over after her and come to a skidding stop, accidentally kicking some grass up in the two men’s faces.

JJ sends them a thumbs up while Emily laughs at them.

“Juice break!” Spencer announces face scrunched up as he blows a grass blade of his lip, “Pick a flavour, any flavour.”

Henry picks a grape one, hands Michael an orange one, and then hands Kai a tropical punch flavoured one when he comes over. Then the Simmons kids come rushing over and clean out the rest of the flavours before the whole gaggle of kids all flop down onto the lawn to enjoy their drinks.

“Oh, thank god,” Kristy pants as she and Matt sit down at the table nearby, out of breath.

“Okay, everybody!” Rossi calls across the yard, “Meat time!”

“And meat alternative!” Garcia chimes in and everyone laughs at the disgusted crumple of Rossi’s face.

Jessica, who came up with Hotch and Jack for the holiday, helps Krystall and Rossi bring the plates of food over to the table. Roxy gets a whiff of the food and bolts over to the tables to sit at Garcia’s feet.

“She’s barking up the wrong tree there,” Luke laughs as he stands up and then offers a hand down to Spencer.

Spencer smiles gratefully as he takes it and Luke pulls him up to his feet. As he stands, he winces slightly.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sometimes the heat makes my bad knee act up.”

“Oh. How’d you hurt it?”

“An unsub shot through it a few years back,” Reid nods at the table they are approaching, “We’re not allowed to talk about work though.”

Luke chuckles, remembering the rules Garcia instructed them to follow before they stepped through Rossi’s door.

(“No work talk, from anyone- even you Savannah, though I do adore hearing how you save peoples lives, tonight is a night of happiness and family, not of blood and gore and other icky stuff. Good, happy discussions only or or- …”

“Or what?” A brave Morgan had asked, failing to hide his smile as Garcia rambled.

“Or I’ll … banish you to sitting inside away from all the food and lovely people. Got it?”

They had all agreed with a ‘yes ma’am’ which she had glowered at, but then they were allowed in off the driveway.)

Luke and Reid sit down beside each other, and then the Jareau-LaMontagne boys scramble up beside them, both of them wanting to sit beside their godfather. JJ helps little Michael up onto the seat when his little arms can’t quite do the job and then pulls out some disinfectant wipes to get them ready for dinner.

“Did you say thank you to Luke for letting you play with Roxy?”

“Thank you, Luke!” they sing together, faces scrunched up against their mothers cleaning.

“No problem,” he tells them, “You’re very good dog trainers.”

The boys beam at him, and JJ sends him a withering look. They’re going to be begging for a dog of their own now.

Food is passed around, burgers and french-fries, salad and tofu stir-fry, hot dogs and nachos. Luke fills up his plate and passes the food along to Spencer who gets his own and then helps JJ get the boys some as well.

And Luke doesn’t know if he believes in an afterlife or anything like that, but he would like to imagine heaven would be like this. Just a giant dinner populated by the people you love, as laughter and shouted conversation cuts through the warm evening air. All the kids are smiling around their mouthfuls, all of them listening with rapt attention as Rossi tells a ridiculous story that also has many of the adults in discreet stitches.

Luke comes from a big family, and he hasn’t seen all of them for years at this point. But being here makes a warm feeling rise in his chest. Like chicken soup for his soul.

Dinner is followed by a brief respite where the kids run off and the adults all have some coffee, and then comes dessert.

“Oh my god,” Tara gasps when Krystall and Garcia roll out the cart.

“We have chocolate cake, a fruit trifle, and a pavlova which is massively popular down under with our Australian friends- its whipped eggwhites, sugar, whipped cream, strawberries and kiwi fruit, and its super _super_ yummy,” Garcia explains as she hands out bowls across the tables.

“Egg?” David Simmons frowns.

“Try it first before you turn up your nose,” Matt says as he loads up a spoonful for his son, “You might like it.”

David’s frown stays right up until the pavlova hits his tongue then he grabs the bowl from his father and starts scoffing it down.

“Success!” Garcia cheers.

After dessert the kids all start running around again, sugar fuelled this time. Roxy chases after them, careful not to step on any tiny feet, to keep her larger body from knocking down any of the tiny humans. Michael leans on her side and she lowers her head so he can grip her scruff and helps him walk when the bigger kids leave him behind.

Reid is doing a magic trick for Hank and Kai that involves a whole lot of silk scarves and a handful of gold coins.

Luke is helping Rossi clean up the grill while Cruz is telling them a story about his time as a Texas Ranger-

When there is an explosion and the whole backyard is bathed in blue light.

Luke feels himself freeze as his heart kicks up in his chest-

- _hes seven clicks outside Kandahar and his unit is being pinned down by a sniper up in the hills. The smoking remains of their SUV are burning around them, he’s got a bullet lodged in his shoulder and Ricky is bleeding out beside him, his blood bubbling as is gets to his lips-_

“Luke? Luke, can you hear me?”

- _“You gotta go man, I’m done for. Can- can you just- my girl back home, man, you gotta make sure she’s okay. Alvez you gotta…”-_

“We need to get him out-”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll do it just open the-”

- _“I’m not leaving you, evac’s on the way. Hang on. Grips! We need medical over here!” “I’m pinned down!” “I’ll cover you, Rick’s needs you. Now!”-_

There is another explosion and Luke ducks for cover, pulling his teammate down with him.

“We need evac!” he hisses as strong hands seize him by the shoulders, but he can’t see, can’t see where the attack is coming from.

“Luke! Luke, I need you-”

_-he can hear the chopper coming in, but Ricky is gurgling now, and the sniper is still up in the hills. They need him to come out so that they can take him out from the chopper. Luke grits his teeth and swings around, spraying fire up at the hillside, he sees a flash from a scope and then there is pain shooting up through his abdomen-_

Cool hands seize his face and his vision clears.

He’s in a dark room, crouched down beside a bed, and Spencer is kneeling in front of him.

“Luke,” he says softly, “You’re safe. We are in one of Rossi’s spare bedrooms. You’re safe, no one is hurt, and no one is trying to attack us.”

Luke realises he is breathing fast, and that he is gripping Spencers forearms tightly. He tells himself to let go but his hands don’t obey the command.

“The-,” his voice shakes as it battles against his breathing, “Explosion.”

“Fireworks from one of the neighbours. Match my breathing, okay?”

Spencer takes one of his hands of Luke’s face and presses it to his chest. Luke focuses on the rise and fall of if, sliding his hand up Spencers arm to grips his hand.

It feels like it takes hours for his breathing to even out, for the shaking to stop and the panic to recede from the edges of his vison.  He releases his death grip from Spencer arms. He can see that he gripped tight enough to leave bruises.

“Sorry,” he all but whispers, “I- I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s alright, I know you didn’t,” Spencer sits back from him slightly, face still awash with concern.

Shame settles across Luke’s shoulders.

“The kids, did they see?”

“No,” Spencer shakes his head, “They were playing down in the garden, they didn’t notice anything happening.”

“But everyone else saw?”

Spencer nods. Luke bites his lip as tears start to well up in his eyes.

“I don’t know why that happened.”

“Yes, you do.”

Luke looks down. Spencer takes his hand again.

“I could tell you statistics,” he says softly, “About how common it is for veterans to experience flashbacks and panic attacks. I could tell you that its normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. That PTSS is nothing to be ashamed of.”

Luke feels a lump in his throat.

“…I don’t want anyone to think I’m weak or- … or dangerous.”

“Luke, everyone out there is concerned for you, not afraid. You-” Spencer swallows, “You looked terrified, and you couldn’t hear us when we tried to calm you down. You didn’t hurt anyone or do anything that would make anyone think that you’re dangerous.”

“So, they didn’t send you in here with me because you’re non-threatening?”

They’ve used Reid’s soft-spoken-ness and non-threatening demeanor enough times when dealing with traumatized victims and witnesses.

“No, that’s not it I-”

Reid looks down, biting his lip.

“I realised what was happening before anyone else and I … sort of ran across the yard to help you. Rossi and Morgan helped me get you in here.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.”

Spencer smiles at him.

“You don’t have to thank me, Luke.”

Luke remembers helping Reid with his own PTSS symptoms after his release from prison and thinks Spencer is remembering the same thing.

Luke tilts his head back against the bed.

“Matt, Cruz, and Rossi are all vets too, and JJ was stationed in Afghanistan as well. Did any of them react?”

Spencer shakes his head.

“Matt I think was agitated, and JJ seemed startled, but they were otherwise fine.”

“That’s … good.”

“You are the person most recently discharged from the military, though, Luke. And you were in the service longer than Matt or Rossi were so you can’t- you shouldn’t compare experiences.”

Luke nods.

“I just … fireworks used to be something good.”

Spencer makes a sympathetic face and pats Luke’s hand. They sit in silence together as Luke’s heartbeat returns to normal and the panic leaves him. He feels tired and sore.

He wants to keep apologising, for ruining Spencers night, for disrupting the happy atmosphere of the party, for being so god damned vulnerable when he hasn’t seen combat for years- but he knows Spencer will just shrug it all off and give him reasons as to why he shouldn’t feel sorry in the slightest.

And he also feels grateful. Grateful that Spencer stayed with him and took care of him when he couldn’t do that for himself.

It was very gallant of him. And did not help Luke’s raging crush on him in the slightest.

Spencer guides him up to sit on the bed and hands him a juice box from his shirt pocket.

“You need something sugary, so you don’t crash,” he says with a slightly embarrasses smile, “I hope you like black currant.”

Luke takes it, giving Spencer a weak smile because it's all he can manage and drinks it without tasting it at all.

There is a light knock on the door and Luke jumps. Spencer steady’s him.

“Its probably Rossi,” he tells him softly, “is it okay if I open it?”

Luke nods.

The door opens slightly and then Roxy comes rushing in, immediately jumping up on the bed and laying across Luke’s lap. She presses her muzzle up under his hand and her body close to his stomach, so he can feel the beat of her heart.

A wave of instant relief washes through him as he pressed his fingers into her scruff. She nuzzles against his other hand and he stroked down her head, the silky soft hair on her ears instantly calming him somewhere back to normal. Her tail thumps against the bed twice and he smiles.

“Good girl.”

He looks up and Rossi is standing in the doorway. He squints against the light, but he can see the stormy expression on his face.

“Rossi,” he says, “Look man, I’m sorry-”

“No, you aren’t,” he says, “Because you did nothing wrong. My neighbours, however, are going to be very sorry.”

“Rossi-”

“I told them that I was having former servicemen at my house tonight, I asked them to not set off fireworks, and now they will face the consequences.”

Luke feels that shame come back.

“Don’t- I don’t need you to fight any battles just for me.”

Rossi shakes his head.

“Son, I heard that thing go off and I could feel the Jungle pressing in around me. I won’t be doing anything just for you.”

Luke nods, and Rossi’s expression shifts from angry to concerned.

“You can stay in here tonight if you need too,” he says softly, “I used to have to hold up in a dark space when it got bad for me. And before you protest, you won’t be putting me out in any way.”

“I don’t…” Luke feels overwhelmed and Roxy licks at his hand, “I don’t want to…”

 _Be a burden,_ sticks in his throat.

Spencer looks at him and then back at Rossi.

“We’ll stay.”

Rossi looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I had a few drinks,” he lies, “I shouldn’t drive anyway.”

Rossi nods.

“I’ll get you some blankets.”

Rossi leaves.

“You haven’t had any alcohol.”

Spencer shrugs and closes the door before sitting down in the armchair beside the bed.

“It’s almost midnight, with my eyesight I shouldn’t drive anyway,” he meets Luke’s eyes, a challenge in his expression, “I’m not putting myself out, or whatever you’re thinking.”

Luke huffs, his smile coming back a little stronger this time.

“You’re not a burden,” Spencer continues, “You’re my friend, and if I went home right now, I would be worried about you all night. So, don’t you dare feel guilty.”

“Sir, no sir.”

Spencer smiles at the joke.

“I think there’s probably some cake left over, want me to ask Garcia to bring some up?”

Garcia comes up with the cake and fusses over Luke for a while before she has to leave as Morgan is giving her and Sam a ride home. The party comes to an end, and he is assured that he didn’t ruin it in the slightest from both Emily and JJ who come to see him before they leave.

He sleeps that night with Spencer sleeping in the armchair beside him. Its irrational, he knows, but between him and Roxy keeping watch over him, he feels safer than he has in years.

When he wakes up in the morning he sees Spencer drooling on Rossi’s expensive Egyptian cotton blanket and falls even more in love with him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter spencer compulsively washes his hands because of the stressful nature of a case. if this will upset you feel free to not read this chapter/fic I won't be mad.

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

― Charles Dickens

 

The case is a hard one, even harder than the stock standard they deal with every week.

A man-

“A white male we believe to be aged in his late thirties to forties because of the sophistication and physicality of the crimes.”

-in Chicago was kidnapping professional women, holding them for a time, and then dissecting them in a way that wasn’t dissimilar to the Black Dahlia murder back in 1947.  And every cut he made was done while his victims were still alive.

The catch up to him-

“Justin Smith, forty-five years old. He has a history of minor sexual offenses dating back to his early teens, peeping in women’s windows, stealing underwear off clotheslines, he once got picked up for lude behavior after- ugh, fondling a manikin in a department store.”

“Any history that would go towards his hatred of working women?”

“Umm … oh! He was adopted when he was three. His mother was sixteen when she had him and had like no money, at all. She gave him up to an adoption agency and then she actually managed to pull herself up out of the gutter, real girl power stuff- she went back to college and got a degree, started her own law firm, she eventually became this really high-powered lawyer, has an excellent win record in court- oh … she died last year. Cancer, that’s so not fair.”

“And Smith, what were his adoptive parents like.”

“…his adopted father died when his liver couldn’t take any more alcohol, and I’m seeing a lot of ER visits that were attributed to accidents. Oh, his adopted mother remarried and left him behind when he was sixteen.”

“Hatred of women, raised with violence, probably came to see it as something that walked hand in hand with love. Garcia, did his biological mother own any property inside the comfort zone?”

“Sending you the address now, be safe my loves.”

-in the basement of his mother’s old house, he has a knife to the throat of twenty-seven year old Patricia Hines. Luke had been ready to shoot him, but the girl was bleeding out heavily and couldn’t understand his motions for her to stay still, so I would have been a big risk to her life.

Reid talks him down.

He says all these things about how Smith just wanted a woman to stay with him, but his anger got in the way and how it wasn’t his fault that he was made this way, that he never had a choice, that it was taken away from him by his mothers.

Smith listens, he shifts his weight, and Luke puts a bullet in his shoulder. He yells, drops the knife and falls.

“We need a medic!” Spencer had yelled as he rushed forwards to press his hands over Patricia’s stomach wound, “Now!”

He’d stayed with her the whole time, even went to the hospital with her while Luke oversaw them taking Smith away.

That was three hours ago, Smith has been patched up and is in the process of being charged, and Luke can’t find Reid.

He walks through the hospital halls, casting his eyes around for a glimpse of tousled brown hair or a rumpled cardigan. But he can’t find any.

“Excuse me,” he asks a nurse behind a desk, showing her his badge, “a colleague of mine came in earlier with Patricia Hines.”

“Oh yeah, the tall scruffy guy?” she says, barely looking up from the documents she was filling out, “They took the girl into surgery and he went into the bathroom up the hall. The poor boy was covered in her blood.”

“Thank you.”

Luke gives her a thankful smile and then walks up the hall to the bathroom.

He opens the door, ready to call out to Reid that they will be leaving in a couple of hours so he should get his things ready-

-and stops dead in his tracks.

Reid is still wearing his vest, still has his gun strapped to his hip, and he is leaning over one of the bathroom sinks washing his hands. But not just washing his hands, he is scrubbing at them, hard and fast. Luke looks a little closer and sees that they are already clean.

Reid’s expression is pained, and his eyes look a million miles away. A stone sinks in Luke’s stomach when it finally clicks as to what’s going on.

He steps in and closes the door.

“Reid,” he says softly, stepping closer.

Reid doesn’t hear him.

He steps up to the sink counter, careful not to touch Reid.

“Spencer.”

Reid twitches and looks up, looking startled. Luke can see that he still has some blood on his neck and face.

“Luke?” he says, sounding confused, “When did you…?”

His hands haven’t stopped moving under the hot stream of water.

“I think they’re clean.”

“What?”

“Your hands.”

Spencer looks down and stops his hands, forming them into fists. He squeezes his eyes shut, shame obvious in his expression.

“I … I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

He hangs his head and Luke feels devastated. He wants to reach out and touch the other man, but he knows it would hurt more than help right now.

Stress can bring on attacks of germaphobia, and repetitive behavior. Hand washing is a very common stress-induced behavior, but Luke knows its not a harmless one.

He reaches over and shuts off the water. He can see that Reid’s hands and wrists have gone bright red from the heat and the friction of being washed repetitively.  They look so sore he wants nothing more than to sooth the pain of the man he considers one of his closest friends.

“Tell me what you need.”

“Luke,” Spencer chokes, looking close to tears, “I don’t … I don’t know what I need.”

Luke puts his hand on the counter near Reid.

“Okay. Talk to me.”

Reid sighs and tips his head back, blinking against the glare of the lights.

“I … I held her hand all the way to the hospital, even when she lost consciousness. And then they took her away for surgery and I just …”

He swallows and squeezes his eyes shut.

“I looked down at my hands and I kept thinking that if she didn’t make it if she died on the table, I would be covered in a dead woman’s blood. That it would be all my fault. And I … I panicked and came in here and …”

He huffs out an angry sound.

“And I kept thinking about what I said too him. Of course, he had a choice, he is a misogynistic, violent, bastard who used his past as an excuse to act on his hatred toward women. He’s not special or deserving of pity and it makes me so mad that I had to say those things to save Patricia’s life. I hate to think I validated him in any way.”

“Okay,” Luke says softly, “That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

Luke hums and grabs some paper towel.

“Alright, it's not okay. But its nothing to be ashamed of.”

“That I tried to peel my skin off because I couldn’t compartmentalize?”

His tone is bitter, angry at himself.

“Its human,” Luke tells him as he wets the towel, “And its human to need a little help, look this way for me?”

Spencer frowns and looks at him.

With carefully steady fingers Luke takes hold of Spencer's chin and then runs the paper towel over the blood on his cheek. Spencer looks at him with wide eyes, but he doesn’t move to stop him.

For a few silent minutes, they stand there together until Spencer's face and neck are clear of blood. Then he helps Spencer out of his tac-vest, brushing his hair back from his face when the movement disrupts his curls. He drops his hands from Spencer's face when it’s all back in place, and they stand there together, just looking at each other.

There is a spark in the air, and maybe it’s born of the post case high of saving a life, of catching a killer in the name of justice, or maybe its something unique between them. It runs up his spine and Spencer opens his mouth to say something, and Luke is leaning in close-

Then someone else comes into the bathroom and they step apart.

Luke throws the towel away and puts a hand on Spencer's shoulder to guide him out of the room, opening the door for him so he doesn’t have to touch any germ covered surfaces.

They step out into the hall and Spencer looks a little embarrassed.

“I’m going to go down to the pharmacy to get you some hand cream,” he says before Spencer can start apologizing for something, he has no business feeling sorry for.

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to. And then I’m going to come back up here and we’re going to wait for Patricia to come out of surgery together.”

Spencer frowns.

“Won't the team be leaving soon.”

Luke shrugs.

“I’ll call Emily. We can drive back to DC if we need to.”

He walks Spencer to the waiting lounge and turns to go, pulling his phone out to call Emily.

“Luke.”

He turns back to see Spencer biting his lip again. But this time he doesn’t look close to tears, doesn’t look ashamed.

There is something warm in his eyes. Something that makes Luke’s legs feel a little wobbly.

“Thank you. Really, I- … Thank you.”

Luke nods and smiles.

“You did the same for me, man. I’ve got your back.”

Spencer smiles and now Luke’s legs are really wobbly.

He calls Emily and she understands, but the Jet needs to get back to DC tonight. She has a meeting with the director that she can’t flake out of and JJ needs to get back home to a sick Michael. Luke says he understands, that they will take a Bureau car back to DC as soon as Patricia is out of the woods.

“Is he okay?” Emily asks.

“He’s … He’ll be a lot better when he knows she’s going to be okay.”

Emily hums.

“Get him to eat something, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Luke comes back and sits with Spencer, watching without watching as he puts the hand cream on and then a pair of white cotton gloves over it. He keeps his eyes fixed on the chattering tv;

_“Earlier tonight Justin Smith was apprehended in FBI custody, allegedly for the recent string of murders of women that have been plaguing our town. Smith is a local doctor who has served-”_

Several hours pass where they say nothing to each other. They sit in companionable silence as they wait, carefully not thinking about the woman fighting for her life down the hall, of what will become of them if the doctor comes out and tells them that she didn’t make it.

And they carefully don’t think about the six women that they were too late to save.

At some point, Luke leaves and comes back with food from the cafeteria. Two cups of Jell-O and some coffee. He figures he won’t be able to get anything substantial into Spencer while he’s worried about Patricia.

“I used to have to do this when I was a child,” he confesses to the otherwise deserted room, “I would scrub my hands until they bled. And in college too, when the pressure got to me.”

“Hasn’t happened in recent years.”

“No,” Spencer laughs disbelievingly, “So many horrible things have happened to me since I’ve been in the BAU, why would this case trigger it?”

“These things sneak up on you, trust me.”

Spencer smiles weakly at him.

“You’re a good friend, Luke.”

“Thanks.”

“No really I mean it,” Spencer insists, “I- … You’re a really good friend.”

That spark comes back between them and is once again interrupted, this time by a doctor.

“Agents?”

Spencer shoots up from his chair.

“Is she okay?”

The doctor nods.

“She’s going to be just fine. She is going to have some scars on her abdomen, and we had to remove some of her liver but with proper care, it should grow back. I think she will be out of our care by the end of the week.”

The doctor smiles at them and leaves.

Luke watches Spencer slump with relief, then he turns to him and Luke is engulfed in his arms before he knows what’s happening.

“She’s going to be okay,” Spencer sighs, breath shaking, “She’s going to be okay, Luke.”

Luke wraps his arms around him and lets the other man take what he needs from him.

 _And so are you,_ he thinks to himself, _and so are you, Spencer._

They drive back to DC a couple of hours later after they practically clear out a Chinese food place of all its food. In the car Spencer babbles, the relief finally setting in. He tells Luke about the book he’s reading, about some Australian fish with legs they thought was extinct till a fisherman found one last year, about some new physics theory that Luke cannot grasp but makes Spencer smile to explain it.

And despite the horrible case, despite the things he saw that are going to haunt his dreams for years to come, Luke quietly thinks that thanks to that drive back home, that today wasn’t all bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little shorter this time!

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think! I'm going for multiple chapters in this one, tell me what you think of the format!
> 
> Edit; fixed some spelling errors!


End file.
